To the people i love: I'm so sorry. Denise is feeling sorta confused this christmas season. hence she has once again decided to talk about herself in the third person. It has probably been the busiest holiday month, i am out almost every day and enjoying myself surely. But as i sat at marina, looking at the tom yam soup boil i suddenly felt very very tired. Not just sleepy because i had eaten too much but really tired. Its a kind of fatigue that made me uninterested in getting presents and planning celebrations. yes i would like to think that its because i understood the true meaning of christmas and therefore placed less emphasis on such stuff. But for some reason it didn't feel that way. When i hear priest talk about understanding what christmas truely means, i feel empty... if i was in the right mindset, i should have felt excitement and joy instead of empitiness as i hear them talk about it right? i really dunno... on one hand i feel like i'm closer to God then i've ever been and then on the other hand i look around and see people with that joy that i am now missing... am i doing something wrong? am i thinking too much? am i doing too much but failing to be quiet and hear Him speak to me? I may have been joyful about christmas in the past for the wrong reasons but at least i was joyful. I love making the people around me happy, which i why i loved christmas and birthdays where i could make them stuff and be happy from seeing them happy... but for some reason, i've become so tired... too tired to make the people i love happy? that sounds ridiculous and it frightens me.. what i'm becoming. Too busy to love.  ¶ 10:53 PM