Tragedy..when the feelings gone and you cant go on.. Denise Tan Siew Hoong.
You need to toughen up. Thicken your skin and be prepared to make mistakes.

Thats what i tell myself everyday just to push myself. I am sucha chicken. I think its because my ego's so big i can't take the embarrassment or something. When i do something wrong or inappropriate even though unintentional, it just keeps playing in my head over and over again like some unending nightmare...OOoh my goodness i drive myself crazy.
And its like I'm 21 for goodness sake. If i'm not prepared to stick my neck out there how the hell am i ready to take on the adult working world.
Aw man sometimes i feel like i'm trapped in one of those tv shows about some awkward girl tryin to find herself in an all too crazy world. Man they should warn kids about growing up from a young age. Growing up is bad, evil and scary kids!! If you can help it, Don't...Grow...Up! Don't.

So the premise of this blog entry came from an encounter with a particularly scary female prof i have. She's a single, (more than) middle aged lady who will not hold back in voicing her utter disgust at every lil thing you do wrong! EVERYTHING. We have to do our own project planning for this module so we have to consult with her on what we plan to do.. and she's like.. DON'T DISTURB ME AT LUNCH TIME! ITS RUDE. I HATE STUDENTS TO DISTURN ME AT LUNCH TIME AND WHEN I WANNA GO HOME. and starts looking like some evil red eyed monster that'll eat you because you disturbed her lunch. And before you start to think i'm just another whiny sissy undergrad, EVEN THE GUYS ARE SCARED OF HER! for real!! the other day we wanted to try our luck and see if she's could see us since we were already in school and it was ard 12. So i asked the guys if it was a good idea.. and they all started shifting uncomfortably in their seats, voices lowered to a low cautionary tone.. "eh i think arh better not lah she really really hates people disturbing her at lunch.. really.. better wait till 2 la.. really man.."

Aaaaaanyway, we decided to make an appointment to see her this morning instead..and of all things, MY GRP MATE WAS LATE! BY 15 mins... my goodness.. it was like fear factor man sitting there waiting for him as the second hand of the clock ticked and ticked........... and yes there is a happy ending and nice lesson to be learnt..because although she was totally snide and sarcastic about us being late, she put that aside eventually to listen to what we had to say, she seemed genuinly interested in what we had to say and basically we came outta that meeting knowing what direction to take with the project which is good! and she chose my idea to expand on and thats good too!! knowing i made a valid observation and suggestion.. its a small affirmation that i'm on the right track so it was not that bad after all.........

And today i went to Bugis with the mother to get new jeans. I am telling you, if you a BIG girl like me and you need some one to tear down your self esteem and get the perfect lesson in thickening your skin, you shld totally go get you jeans from this auntie at bugis..man she tells you straight..."that one low rise one leh..you sure you can.. i think cannot la.. whao unless we get you big big size...arh you see you thighs wha... i think only our this jeans you can wear la...3 quarter i think cannot la.." SIGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

AAaanyway, the secret to dealing with this big bad world, is surrounding yourself with happy things and people that love you and make you laugh.

Here's ending with Denise's pick of the week for funniest comeback line!!
My friend and I were talking about ABA (abcisic acid) for our plant physio report and we were getting confused and when he finally gave up trying to understand he said " haiya ABA i dun know much about but i know alot about ABBA.. the swedish band!" hilarious simply because he said it with a straight face. and followed with an ABBA medley.......  ¶ 7:16 AM 0 comments

  Mid Sem Breaking ME. hurrah ladies and gents. get on the tables and cheer because its taken NUS a long time BUT they finally realise that the definition of a week = 7 days, starting on monday and ending on a sunday. Yupp no more of that crap with it startin on saturday and ending on thurs. PHFFT.

So they give you a couple more days break and just to even things out, the lecturers simply give us a month's worth of extra stuff to do. SIMPLE.

And its wierd how the mind works. actually just how my mind works. I figured that since i have so many things to do, and i'm probably not gonna finish it all, i shall just not start on them at all. Ah-ha..EUREKA my friend EU-freakin-REKA! And so my body has once again gone into auto-pilot SLOTH mode. Every time i attempt some sort of mental or physical work, even the mere thought of perhaps doing real work, my mind numbs itself and i feel sleepy. Its a great defensive mechanism against doing actual work. really its great and effective too. I have so far accomplished nothing. HA! Yes allow me to bask in the pride of having no discipline nor self motivation what-so-ever.

Ho hum. No doing work has provided me with all the time in the world to get addicted to youtube. Fantastic i tell ya! Alice had her Wonderland, i have my youtub-ous adventure. Its breath-taking really the amount of utterly amusin crap they have in there.
Come come lets take a peak shall we?

First Up.. so you think you can dance! yupp watch this before the peeps at channel 5 try to sell you bad dancing on the stOooopid Dance Floor show...


OOooh and the all new Megan Mullally Show. I love Ellen really i do but i love Megan just as much!! oh call me FICKLE...


And yes. my favouritest du0 of them ALL - Will and Grace. YAY :)
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  The Crocodiles are Crying.

Endless visions fill my head – this man – as large as life
And instantly my heart mourns for his angels and his wife
Because the way I see Steve Irwin – just put everything aside
It comes back to his family – it comes back to his pride

His animals inclusive – Crikey – light the place with love!
Shine his star with everything he fought to rise above
The crazy-man of Khaki from the day he left the pouch
Living out his dream and in that classic ‘Stevo’ crouch

Exploding forth with character and redefining chic
It’s one thing to be honoured as a champion unique
It’s one thing to have microphones and spotlight cameras shoved
It’s another to be taken in and genuinely loved

But that was where he had it right – I guess he always knew
From his fathers’ modest reptile park and then Australia Zoo
We cringed at times and shook our heads – but true to natures call
There was something very Irwin in the make up of us all

Yes the more I care to think of it – the more he had it right
If you’re going to make a difference – make it big and make it bright!
Yes - he was a lunatic! Yes - he went head first!
But he made the world feel happy with his energetic burst

A world so large and loyal that it’s hard to comprehend
I doubt we truly count the warmth until life meets an end
To count it now I say a prayer with words of inspiration
May the spotlight shine forever on his dream for conservation

My daughter broke the news to me – my six year old in tears
It was like she’d just turned old enough to show her honest fears
I tried to make some sense of it but whilst her Dad was trying
His little girl explained it best…she said “The crocodiles are crying”

Their best mate’s up in heaven now – the crocs up there are smiling!
And as sure as flowers, poems and memories are piling
As sure as we’ll continue with the trademarks of his spiel
Of all the tributes worthy – he was rough…but he was real

As sure as ‘Crikey!’ fills the sky
I think we’ll miss ya Steve…goodbye
- RUPERT McCALL 2006.  ¶ 9:27 AM 0 comments

  Good bad and the UGLY. This week there are happy things,

Discernment and seeing the new comm being formed.
Commissioning with our Business Buddies, touching and sweet.
Passing my Final Theory Test (final-freakin-LY)
Getting my all 8 seasons of Will and Grace on DVD on eBay (yipee)
Lunches with Sesame.
Cheer-up cookies from my prayer buddy.
Guitar lesson with belle.
1st CG.

Then this week there are sad things,

The passing of a passionate animal lover, conservationist, father and personal inspiration to me.
Insensitive people being kinda offensive about His passing.
- maybe i'm being sensitive again, but really if you cant empathize with those of us that are experiencing the loss so strongly then shut up and let us mourn in what ever way we can ok please. We don't need snide remarks and scoffs abt us mourning over someone we didn't know personally. It may seem silly to you but it matters to me. and i'm one emotional person i know that, and i dun think its a bad thing that i feel so much for someone losing a husband, a son and a father even if i dun know them personally. If you having nothing nice to say about Him, please keep it to yourself or just don't say it to my face or dun expect me to respond to your utter-insentivity with and equal lack of courtesy.
Germaine Greer ! you should be so ashamed of yourself you bl**dy B**ch! I respect the fact that you have your own opinions but i sure as hell do not have an once of respect for you as a human being. Which decent human being goes around writing vicious articles about a man who's just passed away. Is there a need for such strong words? Your actions disgust me. Have you not a shred of human compassion within you? Dear Lord i'm am sorry but i cannot find it in myself to love and pray for someone or rather someTHING like that.

The lack of news and coverage abt it in Local News.
- selfish as it sounds, i think that i need closure. I think everyone that loved Steve needs closure. Can we please hear more about the full story, maybe even tributes...something..anything.
Me sensing myself starting to fall behind in school work and putting on more weight. (bleah)
No Ellen on TV today.
- They put GOLF instead of ellen..what the.... this girl needs her laughs!


Then this week we have wierd things,
the new Zoe tay Ad, on the front page of LIFE! today that says something like " The secret to my good skin, i always swallow." WTH................................................................................................
seriously who on earth thought it was appropriate to put something like that UP.......................  ¶ 2:03 AM 0 comments

  One last cry. i just had a good cry. I've been keeping the tears in all day since 4pm when i first heard of crocodile hunter - Steve Irwin's death. I wanted to cry in the tut room but i was with people i wasn't close to. I wanted to cry on the shuttle bus on the way to Arts but i knew pple would stare. I wanted to cry at FCG but i didn't want everybody to be affected. I needed to cry. When i got home, i saw my momma and i cried like a baby in her arms. I feel better now. i think.

Why am i so affected? I dunno i guess partly because he is someone i look up to, all he's done for animal conservation. I dreamt of the day i could maybe tackle a crocodile with Him (corny!!). His love and passion for the most misunderstood animals. His zest for life and love for his family. Maybe its because i've seen almost every episode of his television documentaries and on some level i feel like i know him personally..wierd.. but it happens with public figures doesn't it? Maybe its because i feel he has so much more to give to this world, so much life left to live..i mean what he contributes to our society on a daily basis is so much more important than what i offer everyday, why Him not me? And i feel so deeply for his wife who has to bring up the 2 young children on her own now.. I think of his australian zoo and his staff and friends and i cant help but imagine how lost and shattered they must feel now. More importantly i think i cry because i wonder - on the day i die, would i have played my part in contributing to the welfare of others like he did? I see the tributes to Him and wonder if the world would mourn like they are mourning Him when its my turn. Morbid. I know. But the lesson is so clear - you'd better live and love all you can because nobody knows where or when the Lord will call us home.

Such stuff is harder to handle when it comes all of a sudden. And now i look back and i'm so glad i rushed down to Singapore Zoo last sem when i heard he was coming to Singapore. People thought i was silly but imagine the regret i would be having now if i didnt.

I love you Steve. Crikey! Crocs Rock!  ¶ 7:58 AM 0 comments